Wumva unaniwe cyane? Menya imirimo umunani yihishe ituma abagore bumva barushye cyane

Umuhanga mu bumenyi bw'imibereho y'abantu Leah Ruppanner araganira n'umunyamakuru mukuru wa BBC mu by'ubuzima, Melissa Hogenboom, ku mpamvu abagore bakikorera mwinshi mu mutwaro wo gutekereza no gutegura imirimo yo mu rugo, ndetse n'ukuntu gusobanukirwa ubwoko butandukanye bw'iyi mirimo yo mu mutwe ari ingenzi mu kugabanya umunaniro ukabije.

Mu isi y'iki gihe igenda ku muvuduko mwinshi, abagore benshi bisanga bahanganye no kwikorera umutwaro utagaragara ariko uremereye cyane uzwi nka 'mental load' (umutwaro wo mu mutwe). Uyu ni umurimo wo mu mutwe akenshi utitabwaho, ariko ucyenewe kugira ngo urugo n'ubuzima bw'umuryango bikomeze kugenda neza – kuva mu gutegura kwita ku bana, gutegura indyo yuzuye, kugeza no mu gushaka ibikorwa bishimishije byo gukora/ibikorwa by'igihe cy'imyidagaduro.

Leah Ruppanner, umwarimu muri sosiyoloji (amasomo y'imibereho y'abantu) kuri Kaminuza ya Melbourne muri Australia, akaba n'umwanditsi w'igitabo Drained, asobanura ko 'umutwaro wo mu mutwe' utari ubwoko bumwe gusa, ahubwo ugaragara mu moko umunani atandukanye. Guhera ku byo yita 'gukora ibintu bidasanzwe (magic making) kugeza kuri 'meta-care', (gutekereza no gukurikirana uko abandi bita ku bandi) avuga ko byinshi muri ibi bikorwa bidafite imbibi zigaragara ahubwo ari iby'igihe kirekire. Nubwo abagabo bafite uruhare runini mu mirimo yo mu rugo, abagore ni bo bagifite umutwaro ukabije n'iyi mirimo yihishe, ishobora kenshi kurangira ibaviriyemo umunaniro ukabije.

Ariko ntibikwiye kuguma bimeze bityo. Iyo tumenye ko gusaranganya iyi mirimo yo mu mutwe bifitiye akamaro ubuzima bwacu, imibereho myiza ndetse n'imibanire yacu, bishobora no gufasha abashakanye benshi guharanira umubano uringaniye kurushaho.

Mu kiganiro gikurikiraho, aganira n'umunyamakuru mukuru wa BBC mu by'ubuzima, Melissa Hogenboom, ku buryo ibyitezwe n'imyitwarire y'umuryango rusange bigira uruhare mu kongera uyu mutwaro wo mu mutwe.

Mbere na mbere, Leah – ubu abantu benshi batangiye gusobanukirwa neza umutwaro wo mu mutwe, wowe ubisobanura ute?

Ni igihe ibitekerezo byawe biba bifite amarangamutima ari hejuru yabyo, ari na yo mpamvu bitwara imbaraga nyinshi. Hari ubwo bikuzanira ibyiyumvo byiza iyo ibintu bigenda neza, ariko na none 'umutwaro wo mu mutwe' ushobora kuba ikinyuranye n'ibyo – ishobora kuba ari ugutekereza guherekejwe n'amarangamutima atuma uhora utekereza ku kintu kimwe nta herezo. Nta bwo ugendana imyenda yo kumesa mu gace utuyemo, ariko umutwaro wo mu mutwe wo uwujyana aho ujya hose.

Ubu umaze gukora ibiganiro byinshi cyane bigamije kumenya amoko umunani atandukanye y'umutwaro wo mu mutwe. Ni ayahe?

Icyakomeje kugaragara ni uko abagore basobanuraga umutwaro wabo nk'utagaragara, udafite imbibi, kandi uhoraho ku buryo bumva bibarenze bikabageza ku munaniro ukabije. Numvaga ko ari ngombwa kubanza kuwusobanukirwa neza, kugira ngo dufashe abantu gutangira kuwugabanya. Dore ibyiciro umunani nagezeho:

1. Gutegura/kugenzura ubuzima bwa buri munsi

Iyi ni yo myumvire isanzwe izwi cyane ku mutwaro wo mu mutwe. Isobanura guhora utegura no gutunganya imirimo - wa murimo wose utagaragara ariko ukenewe kugira ngo urugo rukomeze kugenda neza.

2. Gushyigikira abandi mu by'amarangamutima

Iki ni igihe uba utekereza ku buryo bwo kugenzura no kumenya uko umuryango, inshuti cyangwa abo mukorana bamerewe. Harimo kandi kumenya ihindagurika ry'amarangamutima yabo no kubaba hafi mu bihe bikomeye cyangwa ibyoroshye/ibisanzwe.

3. Isuku y'imibanire

Ni ugukomeza kubaka no gusigasira imibanire ikomeye n'abana, inshuti, umuryango mugari ndetse n'umukunzi wawe. Mu kazi, bishobora kwitwa nk'uburyo bwo kubaka no gukomeza umubano n'abandi, ariko mu busanzwe ni umurimo wo kumenya neza ko buri wese yumva afite aho ahuriye n'abandi kandi akunzwe.

4. Gukora ibintu bitangaje/bidasanzwe

Ibi ni ugutekereza uko byakorwa kugira ngo hasigasirwe umuco gakondo n'ibihe byihariye mu buzima. Tekereza ku muntu ushyira mu bikorwa "ibihe by'igitangaza/ibihe by'iminsi mikuru" nko kuri Noheri, n'uwukora imirimo yose kugira ngo ibyo bihe bishimishije bibashe kubaho.

5. Gukora ibikorwa bigamije kugera ku nzozi zawe/intego zawe z'igihe kirekire

Ibi bijyanye n'umurimo ukenewe kugira ngo buri wese uri hafi yacu abone amahirwe yo kugera ku byifuzo n'inzozi ze. Bishobora kuba nko gushayira abana bawe mu bikorwa bakunda cyangwa kumenya /kureba ko umufasha wawe/umukunzi wawe abona umwanya wo gukina golf cyangwa kongera amasaha ku kazi ke kugira ngo agere ku byifuzo bye.

6. Kwita ku buzima bwawe bwite

Tekereza kwiyitaho ariko birenzeho – uyu mutwaro urebana n'ukuntu wita ku buzima bwawe bw'umubiri n'ubw'umutwe kugira ngo ugume cyangwa uteze imbere ubuzima bwiza, ndetse no kwerekana isura nziza ku bandi.

7. Umutekano

Ibi bijyanye no gutekereza niba abo ukunda n'umuryango mugari batekanye, haba mu buryo bugaragara cyangwa mu bintu ushobora gutekereza ko byabaho. Ni ingenzi kandi kumenya ko hari ababyeyi bamwe bagira uyu mutwaro mu buryo buremereye kurushaho - urugero nk'abantu bafite ibara ry'uruhu ritandukanye ndetse n'imiryango irimo abantu bafite ubumuga. Ibi bishobora gutera impungenge zihoraho ku mutekano wabo n'uw'imiryango yabo.

8. Gutekereza ku buzima bwawe n'ubw'umuryango mu rwego rwagutse

Iki ni igice kigaragara nk'icyo kurenga ku bindi, ariko kijyana no gutekereza ku miterere y'isi ushaka kubamo cyangwa niba ukeneye gukora ikindi kintu gitandukanye. Birimo kwibaza ku inshingano zawe muri urwo rwego kandi bikagusaba gutekereza no ku ishusho rusange kugira ngo ubuzima tubayeho bujyane n'indangagaciro dufite. Urugero ni kurera abana mu buryo twifuza kubarera/bujyanye n'indangagaciro zacu.

Kuki iyi ngingo ari ingenzi cyane kuyigaho?

Natangiye kwiga ku mutwaro wo mu mutwe (mental load) kuko numvaga hari ikintu cy'ingenzi tutabona neza/uko bikwiye. Rero, mu myaka myinshi, nakoze ubushakashatsi ku buringanire bw'abagabo n'abagore, akazi, umuryango, imirimo yo mu rugo n'uko igabanywa.

Nubwo twakomeje kubona ko abagabo bakora byinshi mu ngo zabo - hari intambwe twabonaga - hari ikintu cyakomezaga kudakora neza, kitari gufatwa, kitari gupimwa. Icyo kintu ni umutwaro wo mu mutwe.

Icyo kintu ni cyo bita umutwaro wo mu mutwe (mental load). Icyo nashakaga kugeraho ni ugutanga ubufasha mu kumenya neza icyo ari cyo mu buryo bweruye.

Ni ku rugero rungana iki abagore mwavuganye bari barananiwe?

Nakoze igipimo cyo kunanirwa cyane gihuzwa n'umutwaro wo mu mutwe, aho nabazaga abagore ibibazo bifatika.

Nabajije nti: Ubona bigoye kubona imbaraga zo guhita witabara mu bibazo bitunguranye mu buzima? Ese wisanga urangije umunsi unananiwe kubera umutwaro wo mu mutwe wawe? Ese wumva wararenzwe n'uwo mutwaro?

Ikintu kimwe cyagaragaye, nasanze ababyeyi b'abagabo bari bafite imbaraga zihagije mu mutwe kandi batari mu gihombo cyo kuzikoresha. Ariko hafi ya buri mubyeyi w'umugore naganiriye na we yari mu gihombo cy'imbaraga yakoreshaga zo mu mutwe mu gihe habaga habaye ikibazo cyihutirwa. Ariko igihe nababazaga niba bafite imbaraga zo kwita ku mahirwe agaragara mu buzima bwabo bavugaga ko ntayo bafite.

None se twagabanya dute uyu munaniro ukabije wo mu mutwe?

Icya mbere, tugomba kwemera ko kumva amarangamutima yawe ari ingenzi cyane. Ariko kandi, ntusabwa kumva ibyiyumvo by'abandi bose cyangwa ngo wiyumve ko ugomba kubaka umuryango mwiza cyane.

Ntabwo ari ngombwa ko uba mu isi idafite itunganye.

Abagore benshi bahanzweho igitutu kuva bakiri bato- batozwa kuba beza ku bandi, kubaha, kwita ku bandi, kwihangana no guhora batanga ibyo bafite ku nyungu z'abo.

Niyo mpamvu dukwiye guhagarika imvugo ivuga ku byiyumvo by'abagabo, ndetse tugahagarika no kumva ko abagore bumva ko ari bo bonyine bafite inshingano zo kwita ku marangamutima ya buri wese bakigomwa ibyabo.

"Iyo dutekereje ku guteza imbere abagore, ntibiba ari inyungu zabo gusa, ahubwo biba ari inyungu zacu twese"---

Tugomba kumenya igihe turimo gukora birenze ubushobozi bwacu. Ni gute tumenya ko tugomba gufasha by'umwihariko mu byiyumvo by'abandi cyangwa ni ryari tutagomba kubikora ?

Iyo dusobanukiwe neza ibyo tugomba gukora, cyangwa uburyo twabwiwe gukoramo ibintu bituma tudakora ibintu mu buryo twatojwe kuva kera, ahubwo tugafata ibyemezo dufite ubushishozi n'ingamba.

Nk'urugero, nkunda kubwira umukobwa wanjye nti: "Ufite uburenganzira bwo guhitamo, niba ubu ushaka kongera imbaraga zawe cyangwa kongera amarangamutima yawe? Ariko se koko birabikwiriye?"

Ni iki dukwiye gukura mu bushakashatsi bwawe?

Icya mbere, reka kwiyumva nk'ufite icyaha kandi nk'ubazwa buri kintu cyose. Nakoze ubushakashatsi bw'igerageza aho nahaye abagore amafaranga agamije kubafasha kugabanya umutwaro wo mu mutwe, maze nsanga byari bigoye cyane kuri benshi muri bo kuyakoresha ibyabo. Icyo bashakaga cyane kwari uguha umuryango wabo ayo mafaranga kugira ngo imibereho ya buri wese irusheho kuba myiza. Bumvaga bafite icyaha gikomeye kuyakoresha ibyabo bwite.

Rero, twatojwe kubwira abagore kumva ko bagomba gushyirwa ku murongo wa nyuma, maze ibyo bashoboye ku bwabo igihe babaye ababyeyi biba ari inyungu ku bana babo. Icyo ni ikinyoma gikabije twabwiwe.

Nyuma y'igihe gito - kandi bamaze gukoresha ya mafaranga, umutwaro wo mu mutwe wari warabaremereye watangiye kugabanuka. Ese yakemuye ibibazo byabo byose? Oya rwose! Ariko yagize uruhare mu kubaruhura, kandi ikiruta byose, buri wese yagize impinduka mu mitekerereze ye maze bamenya ko kwishyira imbere no kwiyitaho bifite agaciro kandi ari ingenzi.

Hari umugore umwe nahaye ayo mafaranga witwa Katrina, yarayakoresheje ajya kuruhuka mu mpera z'icyumweru. Kubera ko yari adahari, ntiyakomeje gutekereza ku mirimo yo mu rugo. Yambwiye ko ayo mafaranga yamufashije kubaho atekanye muri icyo gihe aho guhora atekereza ku bindi bikenerwa.

Agarutse mu rugo, yasanze umufasha we yarakoze ibikenewe byose: inzu yari isukuye, frigo yuzuye ibyo kurya, kandi imyenda yari imaze kumeswa iri aho igomba kuba.

Iyo tumaze gusobanukirwa neza aho dukoresha imbaraga zo mu mutwe (ibitekerezo n'imihangayiko), dushobora kuzikoresha mu buryo butekanye kandi bufite intego.

Rimwe na rimwe tuba dukeneye gusaba abandi kudufasha kugira ngo tubigereho. Hari n'igihe tuba dukeneye kwiyitaho ubwacu, cyangwa rimwe na rimwe byose.

Mu by'ukuri, ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko iyo abagore bahawe ubushobozi n'ubumenyi, bigabanya inzitizi zibabuza kwinjira no kuguma ku isoko ry'umurimo. Iyo babonye uko binjira mu kazi mu buryo bungana n'ubw'abagabo, ibindi byose bigenda bihinduka: imirimo yo mu rugo igabanwa mu buryo bungana, imibanire irushaho kuba myiza, kandi n'abagabo ubwabo babaho neza kurushaho.

Ni yo mpamvu, iyo dutekereje ku guteza imbere abagore, tugomba kumenya ko bitari inyungu zabo gusa ahubwo ari inyungu zacu twese.