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WITH
A THONG IN MY HEART
Being fit and sporty has always been something that other people do
as far as I’m concerned!
I did
buy a pair of leg warmers in 1984, which made me look like as if
I’d asked to be dipped in multi-coloured paint and then thought
better of it. And I did once go to an aerobics class where I fainted
halfway through the warm-up much to the amusement of people thinner
than the glass of water I was grudgingly given.
So
what on earth possessed me to get a Personal Trainer I will never
know. Not join a gym, not jog round the block, oh no…I decided to
really go for it.
To be fair I had been collecting pounds for some years. A combination
of sustained curry and lager abuse, and then I had a baby (albeit
a premature 4 pounder), and that had the strange side effect of
giving me fat shoulder blades. So I decided to get professional
help.
Shock
Not for me the scorn of the size 10 brigade, whose thongs didn’t
even have the decency to disappear in their buttocks. So I dug out
the yellow pages - quite heavy so I was already doing weights -
and randomly selected a not too scary ad that appealed.
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"Not
for me the scorn of the size 10 brigade, whose thongs didn’t
even have the decency to disappear in their buttocks."
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Julia
decides not to go to the gym!
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She
sounded cosy on the phone, and wasn’t a size 10 (my first question!)
so I booked my 10 sessions. I felt fitter just for having phoned
her, I could feel the flab melting away in my self-congratulatory
glow.
The first session was a bit terrifying. Mostly for her, because
my "fitness wardrobe" consisted of my partner’s decorating tracksuit
bottoms and a very dodgy pair of plimsolls that I found in the loft.
She
wasn’t put off though, and immediately went for an assessment of
my body. This is called "Body stat, the truth about your body".
With a veritable cornucopia of gadgets, wires, and good old-fashioned
making–me- move- a- bit -quickly, she soon had a report that frightened
me.
I hadn’t
been weighed since I was a newborn so obviously that was a bit of
a shock. My aerobic fitness was so poor it was a wonder I could
even answer the front door to her, and my body fat percentage was
so high I would have got an A** at GCSE if there was such a subject.
Sweaty
I was started off on a strict regime of step aerobics, weights,
squats, lunges, abdominiser routines and of course watching what
I ate. Conveniently I contracted a vomiting bug after my first session
and got off to a head start.
My
baby and my cat would watch me with interest and amusement as I
stepped up and down and up and down for an hour a day to music that
made me lose the will to live never mind lose weight.
A friend
of mine said she was walking past my house one day and would have
popped in but I was bouncing up and down and looking sweaty. Not
normally a problem but she said it to my partner, which was a little
unfortunate.
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"I
can even wear a size 10 in Gap trousers. I know it’s cheating
but hey it’s a TEN!!!!!"
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Julia
- after ten weeks of sweating
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So
what was the outcome of all this? Well my 10-week course is over
and I have just had the "Truth about my body" again. The truth is
that I am 18 pounds lighter, my body fat percentage looks more like
my maths score at O’level, and my aerobic fitness is officially
excellent.
Conviction
If I could just stop smoking I would probably beat Victoria Beckham
at the next Luis Vuitton sale. I can even wear a size 10 in Gap
trousers. I know it’s cheating but hey it’s a TEN!!!!!! And I haven’t
worn a 10 since I was, well, 10. And this is all thanks to my trainer,
her scales, her skipping rope and her cheerful breezy conviction
that even I could get fit.
I can
even go into a sports shop without my chest tightening as though
I have walked into someone else’s house uninvited, and I have even
signed up for circuit training. I thought that was something YTS
sparkies went on.
So
I can recommend it. Really. It works. Chuck out your slimming milkshake,
or Fartfast as I prefer to call it after bitter experience, and
get yourself a personal trainer. Now where did I put my Golden Dragon
menu….?
| cath,
hamilton |
Saturday,
19-Jul-2003 18:47:18 BST |
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| i
have spent the last hour surfing, looking for just such a person
to assist me in losing the inches i hate. anybody in Hamilton,
Lanarkshire area. i dont want to go to a gym either, i would
prefer the prevacy of someones own premises where it is only
me performing the agonsiing exercises with convistion. just
like julia. |
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