Surviving a Prisoner of War camp can be a tricky business chaps, so follow our movie tips to ensure an enjoyable stalag stay...

All POWs have monikers denoting their specialist skill or stature, such as 'Big X' Bartlett or Colin 'The Forger' Blythe. Try to prove yourself useful, brave and a jolly good egg on your first day - 'Useless bugger' Jones and 'Wet pants' McGregor don't really have the same ring.

Be athletic. Gain the respect of the manly chaps and fox the guards with a game of testosterone-fuelled footie, baseball, or American football. It's no good protesting that your sporting talents lie in figure skating or ballroom dancing.

Don't throw anything away - everything is worth something and can be used for swopsies with the guards. Alternatively, it can be fashioned into a cunning escape plane, digging utensil, or radio.

Learn a couple of words of German. The most popular phrases you will hear from your captors will be "Schnell!" (screeched repeatedly in maniacal fashion), "Heil Hitler!", and "You force me to punish you, gentlemen."

You'll know your Commandant by his long trenchcoat, love of opera and clipped, cold way of speaking. Many also exhibit a cruel glint in the eye, facial scar, permanent sneer and fake amusement when discovering some naughty escape plans. As camp as his establishment.

Try not to go blind and pretend you "can see perfectly well". You can't and you won't know which way to run if you do escape.

Running between huts at night is easy. The guards sweep the grounds with spotlights with the regularity of a lighthouse. Simply scuttle between the beams for teamtalks with Big X.

There's always one guy who's cooler, harder and gained more grudging respect from the Commandant than everyone else. It's probably not going to be you, so don't attempt to eyeball the Commandant during inspection. You'll be carted off and shot, he'll be sent affectionately to solitary.

All tunnels are too short, constantly collapse, and provide you with pesky dirt to hide. They're also usually discovered by mocking guards after you've half-built them, forcing you to start again. Too much like hard work.

Essential POW Movies to watch:

"La Grande Illusion"; "Stalag 17"; "The Great Escape"; "Chicken Run" "The Colditz Story"; "King Rat"; "Escape to Victory"; and "The Wooden Horse".